Prayers of a mother

Well, here I sit, 4:42 A.M. Getting ready to start the day and take the busses to my next MOPS class. ( in a few hours) The only time of silence, is in these wee hours of the morning. Usually I try to have my time with the Lord in prayer and reading of the scripture with my 'internet preacher Joe Focht on blueletterbible.org. (Which has been the most benefital thing I think I've done to enhance my spiritual walk.)
But here I sit now, wanting to put some thoughts and life lessions in a format that can be left behind for my children once I'm gone. To share all I've learned up to this point and my relationship with the Lord.
Though life seems to fly by like a breeze, I pray that I redeem the time and use it wisely. I dont have enough of it to do all I want to do, so I'm reminded to only aim for what the Lord wants me to do and praise him for it.
There are many things I've wanted to share with my children. With Kara, Tonya and Brad in Michigan with their young families, and only Luke and Abby here. It has been difficult to have the lines of communication with each one that I so desire. I thought this might be a start in relating my heart to them, even in an indirect way.
I pray the Lord brings each one to a place of peace and forgiveness in any sins or wrongs I have committed against them. I see more clearly now where I have fallen short and at different times lived such a selfish existence, especially when I was needed most. It has brought a steady stream of guilt though, I have cried my heart out to the Lord in seeking forgiveness. I once asked Brads forgivenss, but feel the need to approach it again, especially since he has rededicated his life to the Lord. (Praise God)
Luke is one, in some ways I have failed the most. For me to allow any man or drugs to take away from my beloved and precious child, I grieve continually of what my life was telling him in those days. But Luke you are so loved. You always were.
I was sick, even in my own mind. I was lost, lonely and hurting, as you were, but I was to blind to see, please forgive me.
And even though I tried in my pitiful way to reach out to you, I failed miserablly. I weep to think that you might be serving the Lord  and be walking down the path you started on as a young child, if it were not for my own selfishness. I beg your forgiveness. I wipe the tears as I sit here and type this. I have to cling to Gods love, mercy and forgivness, filled with the hope that all things will ultimately be according to Gods plan.  Though they are now as well, I dont completely understand or see the big picture. But I can still trust Him. Sometimes we make a mess for Him to have to work through to accomplish His goal. But He is ever faithful and full of love, mercy and compassion. And I know He has great things planned for you,  Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
I would also pray that once I am gone, that my prayers would continue to be active in the lives of my loved ones. That my words spoken would still generate through time and space. How thrilled  I was to find this scripture Rev 8:3 And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer [it] with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne.
I've heard of testimony of a women who prayed years for her husband to come know the Lord as her saviour. It wasnt till years after her death that her prayer was answered. That may seem slow in our concept of time, but listen to what Peter says on this subject 2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. So, though I long to be a witness to my prayers being answered, I again, must trust Him in all things.
And though my desire is to see with my own eyes each one of my children and grandchildren serving  the Lord wholeheartedly, and see them grow and mature in their walk with the Lord, I know it is the Lords will that none parish, though I may not see the evidence while still on the earth, I stand in faith of the promises of God.
Well, this wasn't even what I planned on sharing today, but, I must trust my Lord in all things. Without Him, there is no hope. It is through Him we have all hope.  Thank you father.